Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
