I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
