I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
