Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
