Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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