WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
