so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
