fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Randomize
