I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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