I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
