i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
