I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
