I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
