Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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