Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
