What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
