Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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