kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
