So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
