I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Farmville is her only friend.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
