I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
