He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
