: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
