you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
