He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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