He is an equal opportunity slut.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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