who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
