Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
pray to the hookup gods
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
