I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
