I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
