remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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