that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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