Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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