Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
True college students do jello shots in the library
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
