Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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