the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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