you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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