really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
