When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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