you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
