I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
