we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
