well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Is it penis luge time yet?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
