he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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