If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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