I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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