she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
