i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
