it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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