my mouth tastes like poor choices
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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