Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
