I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The struggles of a small town man whore
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
