i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
porn star boner night. come get it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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