I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
