This girl is more easily done than said...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
