I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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