A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Randomize
