You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
